Sign About My Praying

 Yesterday after church I went over to Books-A-Million after lunch(I went to Fessolis's). I was looking for a book that would inspire me. I dont know a better way to say it. I've been kinda out of it lately. again, no better way to say it. It's not that I am sad; I'm happy. my summer is going good, going by at a decent pace, slowly but not too slowly, my job is good, I have orientation to volunteer at Abilene Regional this wednesday, I have lots of "projects" to work on throughout the summer and I even have people to hang out with. so far, my summer might not be exciting but it's a good summer and my car makes all the difference. It was so worth it and I truly believe that God wanted me to be here this summer. anyway, still a bit out of it though. I get teary easily, I feel lonely(especially at night), and I had two dreams two nights in a row that left me feeling anxious and scared and panicky both during the dream and after I woke up. It feels like...like only God can make me feel better if that makes any sense. like something inside of me is dry and only God can water it. I can't explain it, but I guess what I am saying is that I am in need of something, comfort, inspiration,etc that only God can provide. I know that makes next to no sense, but I can't really explain it. So I went to Books-A-Million to find a book that....I dont know....called me me, that would help me get that inspiration, comfort,etc. I ended up buying two books: one is called "the kingdom of God inside of you" and it's about the power of God that lives inside of us, and how God can and does use us, and the second one is a book called "how to pray." for the month or two, I've felt this...almost craving and need to pray for Dan. nothing in specific, but just pray for him. and I do. I pray for him every single night before I go to sleep; I sometimes fall asleep praying for him. I dont know where this is coming from. sure I like him as more than a friend, but I liked Trevor as more than a friend and I never felt a need to pray like this for him, or Even Steele, or Anthony Soto,etc. so it makes me think that maybe it's something that God wants me to do? Due to this I want to learn more about praying. I know there is no right way to pray, but I want to learn more about it. I want praying to mean something more to me than just  "I talked to God, I feel better now." yes, that is a big part of it and I believe there's nothign wrong with feeling like that but I want praying to be more than that for me. I don't know exactly how to express this. I want my praying life to be...more...intimate, deeper...than just it making me feel better when I pray.does that make sense? problaly not, but some of these things are hard for me to find the words for, even in writing.  which is why I am excited about this book. it's not a book that just tells why praying is important. the author says that we already know praying is important. his focus is more "how to." not that there is a specific and right way to pray, but still, I want to learn more about praying and how I can pray effectively. if God wants me to pray for Dan, for myself, for others,etc then I want to do it in an effective way you know? a way that is deep and intimate and meaningful. so I bought these books, and I went to Brew.Net and started reading the introduction of the "how to pray" book. I found it really good and it got me excited to do this. I want my praying/talking to God life to improve you know? anyway, I then went back to my house for a few hours, then at 6:30pm I went over to the Green's for the campus ministry sunday night dinner and devo. and the guy that was speaking? what he talked about? praying. he talked about how Jesus prayed and how we rememeber jesus for a lot of things but not really because he prayed. I found it...intriguing and ironic that that was what he talked about, considering the book I had just bought and started reading and the choice I have made about improving my praying life. so it was like a little sign from God saying "this is something I want you to focus on and work on."