This Life by MercyMe

I found this song while going through videos on Godtube and this was the song to a video on funny church signs. anyways, fell in love with this song and downloaded it to my Itouch. it is...it is my theme song and my goal and my inspiration for when I am in China. I love this song!I especially love the line that says "hold your heads up high, this is our moment to rise, we were meant to shine, not just survive."

Simplify My Life

Yesterday on My Charm Bracelet Blog, I wrote a post about my first time donating some of my stuff(click here to read). I wrote about loving the idea of getting rid of the excess stuff in my life, stuff I don't use and/or don't need. later on last night, I was reading  Joshua Harris's I Kissed Dating Goodbye and in it he quotes Hebrews 12:1, which says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"(Hebrews 12:1).the part about "throwing off everything that hinders us" and "running with perseverance the race marked out for us"really reminded me of what I had written in my Charm Bracelet blog hours earlier. that image, of running a race, really struck me. I am not a runner by any means, but when you go running, you try to carry as much stuff as possible. Brent goes running all the time, and every once in a while I would see him running on the ACU track, and when he ran, he was not carrying a backpack, a set of books, his laptop, etc. he usually only had his Ipod and maybe a water bottle. so I assume that I am correct and running a race, or running in general, means carrying as little stuff as possible. granted, I am not sure if a relationship with God can be thought of as a race, but I want to keep moving towards having a good and deep and honest relationship with God, and in that sense, it is a race you know? not a competition type race, but a race in the sense of moving towards something. and it hit me after reading that reference to Hebrews 12:1 and having it sound a lot like what I had written in my Charm Bracelet post, that the more stuff I carry, the slower I am moving. still moving, but not as...not as fast as I could be if I had less stuff. we spent so much of our energy and time thinking about school, about eating healthy, about keeping your car in good shape, about staying in good shape, about how we look, about whether we are going to ever get married or not, whether guys/girls like us in a romantic way or not, about jobs, about grad school, etc. even missions trips, we are worrying about the actual job we are going to be doing and the raising money for it and preparing to leave, etc and then so much of our time worrying about our material possessions: car, Itouch, Iphone, Ipad, TV, DVDs, cell phones,etc. so much time and energy that we could(and maybe should)be spending on worrying about and working on our relationship with God and spending time with Him and trying to do what He wants us to do,etc. It really confirms in my mind that I really do want to simplify my life, and starting with material possessions is a good way. I am going to donate everything that I don't need, that I don't use, will never use, have never used, or have no interest in using again. the less stuff I have on me, the more room in my mind and in my heart and in my life and in my energy that can be spend worrying and working on my relationship with God. if you are going to go running, you carry as little as possible with you. and going towards a relationship with God is the most important race that we will ever run and are running(even me, who doesn't run at all!).
I am not saying that I will be good at this. it is kinda counter-cultural, but if giving away a few books(a lot of books actually lol) made me feel this good, and having that verse quoted in a book I am reading the same day I wrote a post on simplifying, has to mean something, not saying what. like I said, not saying I will be good at this or even that I'll succeed, but I am going to really really do this. I like the idea of not having to worry about having so many possessions and using everything that I have. having clothes that I wear and a limited wardrobe, having books that I read over and over again and don't sit on my shelf unused, having my apartment be one where I use all the rooms in it, etc. and like I said, the less stuff, the faster I can run this race: a relationship with God.

*I welcome any and all advice, suggestions, and comments on this*

From God

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=FJ1JCJNU

Videos on God Tube I found funny!

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=D7GLLPNX

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=76PWPPNX
   video about inviting people to church. its a comedy, so it's the worst that could happen scenarious. pretty funny yet makes a good point.

How To Worship Video

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=FBC12CNU

This video is funny yet it makes the point that we have this notion that worship has to be a certain way. I don't do the hand raising, the standing up for singing or the word of God, and I do feel like I'm...breaking the rules somehow. like I'm not doing something that I'm supposed to. yet I know that just because you raise your hands or start crying doesn't mean that you are being sincere, and not doing these things doesn't always make you insincere. maybe worship doesn't have to be a certain way. maybe doing the hand raising, the clapping, the standing up, etc. just because its what you do, or what everyone else is doing, or because you feel you have to, is the insincere part.

Ice Cube Molds and Christians

This will be  a super short post but I had this idea a few nights ago while driving home from the movies. I know that somewhere in the bible, it says that we are supposed to be in the world but not of the world. my though is similar to this. what if as Christians, we are like ice cube molds? or more like...water freezing. see, when you put water in any kind of mold, it takes on the shape of that mold, yet it is still water and it does not become that thing, it's just...shaped like it. while the analogy does have its limits, what if Christians were like that? what if when we go somewhere, we do our best to taken on the shape of the culture, of the environment, etc. but if stay water? we don't become that thing. I know this problaly is not making a whole lot of sense but it is a thought that I had. when I go to China, I am going to do my best to...take on the shape of Chinese culture. I will try to follow their customs, learn their language, etc. yet, like we were told in orientation, I will never be able to become Chinese, just like the water does stop being water and does not become what it takes on the shape of. water is a good model for Christians I think. water takes on the shape of whatever you put it in, yet it still remains water, just in different shapes.

Maybe God Works Like A GPS

the other day this random and weird thought came into my mind. I started thinking about how God might work in terms of His plan for our lives. Does HE control everything, micro-manage the universe. like if you don't get into a certain college or you break your leg, is that God's will?is that part of His plan for you somehow? I don't think we can or should try to figure out "God's will." I like to wait until He reveals it to me if He so chooses and I am very wary of calling something "God's Will." and then I started thinking that maybe God works like a GPS. on a GPS(the one on my blackberry anyway)you put in your destination, and then it shows you the best route to get there. if you make a wrong turn or miss a turn or something, the GPS recalculates the route from where you now are, and shows you how to get to your destination with your run or missed turn or whatever as part of the new route. what if God works like that? We have free will, He gave that to us, just like we are free to choose or not the route that GPS shows us. God has a destination and a route for us, but because of that free will, we miss turns, we try and find shortcuts, we purposely don't go one way, we go another way, we get lost or confused. but God works with that, He works with and through our mistakes and wrong turns. we might not follow His original route for us, but when we make that wrong turn or miss that exit,etc He doesn't just shut down on us. He recalculates a new route to get us to us to His destination.

I know this sounds weird and kinda crazy, but if you are reading this, let me know your thoughts on this.

Unaswered Prayers

I saw(part)of this movie on lifetime called Unaswered Prayers, about this happyily married man whose "one that got away"girl that he prayed to God that she would come back(when she left him)comes back and hehas an affair and in the end, he is glad of the way thing turned out. this is the song they played at the end, and I am guessing that the movie was based on the song. I totally fell in love with it and it really...touches me and speaks to me. I can relate to this. I pray so many times, almost every night, for God to give me the one thing I want, to be with Brent, and I have said to God that if He answers those prayer, then I can live with anything else He sends my way. and so far, He hasn't answered. and this song really reminds me that maybe, God has a good reason. like He did when TCU didn't accept me, or when UNT financial aid did not work out. or when Anthony did not like me back. He has a reason,and I have to trust and believe that as painful as it is, He has a reason for not answering my prayers about Brent.

there's this point in the movie, when he's trying to get his wife to take him back, that she says/yells at him:..."you've been carrrying her around for 20 years you can finally have her..." or something to that affect. I REFUSE to do that! I refuse to carry Brent around with me for the next 20 years, and I refuse to be like Queen Victoria, whose legacy is that she was the Queen that went...out of it to put it midly when her husband died and that is what she is remenbered for.wow. I guess I want to get over Brent Bailey after all.

I LOVE this song!

Scared Out of My Mind

Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”-Luke 9:62

I have had this...issue that I've been dealing with. the issue has to do with a guy friend. I know people suspect or maybe wonder, that I care about him as much more than a friend. and I know what I feel, and I know what I want to feel. I'm trying to not deal with this, am trying so hard to just lock this away but it's not working. I'm...sad. low. feeling like am about to just crumble to the floor and start crying and never be able to stop. don't get me wrong; it's not that my life is horrible and miserable because it's not. I love my classes, and my job and my SBC and going to China. My life is good and so it's not that there's something horrible in my life. 

But this issue is...weighting me down. it's making me upset and sad on the inside. I talked to Brent about it, and he said that he's had talks with other people and they can all tell something is wrong so apparently my sadness is showing.  we talked about it for an hour, and he's advice was either go to a counselor, or do what I KNOW I need to do to be able to deal with this. and I do know what I need to do. I don't want to go to China with this. Brent suggested I read this blog entry he wrote(click here) about overcoming fear and he referred to this passage in Luke, and I looked it up and the last verse really got to me. I don't know the context, but it made me think about that if your going to Follow Jesus, you can't really look back. it's like if your going to get married, you cannot go into it still dealing with an old love, or an old relationship or unrequited love. you have to leave all that behind and until you can, you wont really be able to give yourself the way Jesus deserves. that's the way I understood it anyway. I have my hand on the plow, am going to China, I've been working towards that and preparing since April of last year, that's almost a year, plus it's been on my mind since fall of sophomore year. I don't want to take the chance that bringing this...issue with me will negatively affect my time in China. Brent brought this up and it's something that has been in the back of my mind. maybe it wouldn't make a difference, but maybe it would and I don't want to take that chance. I know that in order to begin to deal with this,with these feelings, I need to say it. I've said it to myself, but I need to say it to the person that this is about. and that's a problem in of itself because is it right for me to tell him that?but once I tell him, it'll become real and It's the first step for me to be able to deal with this. if it's not real, I wont allow myself to deal with it. but that's scary. really scary. I know the unbelieable amount of pain that this is going to bring to me, and it's tough to do somethign that I KNOW it will bring me. so I just have to talk to God and write Him some letters about getting me some courage. 
This verse was really striking to me. it makes sense to me. if you're going to follow Jesus, then you cannot be looking behind to what you left, you have to be moving forward. you cannot be hanging on to the past. you have to let it go, and in order for me to do that, I have to deal it. it's just so scary because I know what he will say, and I know how much it will hurt.  but Jesus must have been beyond petrified of being cruxified, and going through all that pain, so He knows how it feels, though His is 1,000,000, 000 times worse than my pain. He'll get me through it. He'll be with me. 

GodTube

I found this website called "Godtube"(click here), which is like Youtube but about God obviously. I found on it on an advert in facebook, and it's so great! there's all kinds of videos, funny, inspirational,etc. I love it, I could spend hours on it. I really like the idea of it. I like the idea that they have, taking the positive things about youtube and using it to help christians live with God and spread his Word better. maybe a lot of times we make it a choice of  either staying away from non-christian things or tolerating them. we make it black or white. but maybe that's not the way it should be. maybe we don't have to abandon "worldly" things but we can take them and show the world: here's another way to use this; you dont have to abandon this but you can use it for God in his way.I really like that idea. taking the positive things in the world and using them for God, instead of just abandoning them because they don't alighn with christianity.
I found this article on USA today about this website(click HERE to read it). it talks about this website and the company and CEO of it. I do think that the people that aren't crazy about this website do have a point. I think that we shouldn't just abandon the world and make a christian version of everything. still, I think that it's also important that we don't just stop going to the websites, or movies that we dont believe are christian enough but show the world another way that doesnt include giving them up, if that makes sense.

the article also mentions how there is a jewtube.com(click here) and a islamictube(click here). i also love this idea because it's a good way for us to learn about other religions. to learn the positives that other religions have and they can learn the positives in us. we can go to these websites and see what these religions are like, what its believers believe, etc.

Crazy Thought

"Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you" Acts 3:6

I am taking a Book of Acts class this semester, and am actually liking it. it's a bit of overload sometimes, but I like that am learning about the book of Acts. anyway, this verse jumped out at me. it was said by Peter at the temple when he healed the lame man. the lame man asked for money, he was a beggar, and this is what Peter said. it really jumped out at me because Peter didnt say: i have no gold or silver, but i'll pray for you." or "i have no money or silver, sorry." He didn't have gold or silver, but he gave the lame man what he had. granted, peter had the power to heal in the name of Jesus, but it really stuck out to me.
I often feel I don't have anything to give people. Brent has his bible knowledge, his joy, his many talents, etc. Abigail has her extravertness and her happy sunny personality. Anne has her dedication to God. what does Millie have? in my mind, nothing. I don't have those things; I don't have gold or silver to give to them. but maybe, I've been focusing on the first part too much, on what I don't have to give, and not enough on what I do have to give. I don't know what it is, at all, but for some reason, this verse really...helps for lack of a better word.
I also think it's a good lesson in  general. you might not have something fancy to give them. I'll never be like Brent. I'll never be able to go to translate the  bible in Papua New Guinea, or do a hospital ministry, or teach with my extensive bible knowledge, or have a million different talents. and I'll never be like Abigail, with her flirty-ness, outgoing, and happy and sunny. and I'll never be as serious and dedicated as Anne. but maybe, just maybe...I have something to give too. something just as important as what they have. crazy thought.

Christian Lady

This past Tuesday(February 8, 2011)  we watched this video in foreign Language Departmental chapel. I've kinda heard the story behind this song before but I've never really known the entire story. I just knew that the guy wrote this song after his son died or something like that. however, watching this video was...out of this world for lack of a better word. It seemed like...like a cartoon or a comedy where one bad thing after another happens to the character, you know? but in comedies we laugh at that, but in this video, I just kept thinking: "something else happened to this poor man?!" it almost seemed like a joke, unreal. and the song is playing as they are telling/showing what happened in his life, and it makes the whole thing so much more powerful because it's crazy to think that someone who have all that happened to him, and write those lyrics and MEAN THEM completely. I would love to be able to say or think that I would be able to react like that, but the truth is, I don't know for sure. but I want to. I want to be that kind of person, I want to love God that much.I want to be like that, that no matter what happens in my life, I always trust and love God, and I still look and feel the same way towards Him as when all things are going my way.

 

I know this will be a stretch, but I love this song( "she's a lady" by Tom Jones). for lots of reasons but mainly because I aspire, I want to be a lady like in that song. I know these two things do not seem related but I guess I want to be a Christian Lady, if that makes sense. I want to love God always, no matter how harsh the winds blow or how soft and breezy the wind blow, and I want to be...dignified and...steady in my life with God. that make sense? I also want to be like the girl he's describing in the song. I want a guy to hear this song and think of me, that that's a good description of me. the kind of person I want to be, can be described and understood in these two songs. 
I've always wanted to be a lady like in this song. maybe not always, but for awhile, ever since I first heard this song. and the song "all is well" is something else that I want to be. so like I said before, I want to be both of these things. as stated earlier, a Christian Lady.